A poem based of this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7XuXi3mqYM&feature=youtu.be
This is War:
One by one, we followed our foes.
We each stopped and listened to the rustle of the trees-
Searching for any sign of something out of place:
Standing still,
the silence is overwhelming.
We strategically sit, stealthily concealed within the jungle.
Black bodies hidden behind a screen of green.
Then-
a sound.
Squatting, our ears perk up. Tense- ready:
Screeches explode, cutting through the air
as we make a dash for our enemy:
Shadows flash by-
Earsplitting eruptions-
The banging of the battle-
Then we win. And we celebrate. And we move on.
This is war.
This is War:
One by one, we followed our foes.
We each stopped and listened to the rustle of the trees-
Searching for any sign of something out of place:
Standing still,
the silence is overwhelming.
We strategically sit, stealthily concealed within the jungle.
Black bodies hidden behind a screen of green.
Then-
a sound.
Squatting, our ears perk up. Tense- ready:
Screeches explode, cutting through the air
as we make a dash for our enemy:
Shadows flash by-
Earsplitting eruptions-
The banging of the battle-
Then we win. And we celebrate. And we move on.
This is war.
If I were to write a commentary on your poem, I would focus on:
ReplyDelete1) The suspense of the poem, how it shifts from silence and tension, to the loud sounds breaking the silence
2) The structure of the poem... im not sure what about the structure but im sure i could find something.
3) and also, how it goes from long sentences to short sentences.
Because... I would...